A number of months ago, I experienced a very low point in my life.  I don't think I had ever experienced something quite like it before and I was glad for it to be over.  

I gave up.

I didn't give up on my life.  I gave up on the world's life.  I gave up on you, gentle reader, and I hope you can find the wisdom to forgive me.  I was weak and unable to cope for several hours.

I do offer some context.  What started me down this path of utter dispair in regards to the current status of the world was I had read too many articles about how the world and how it is going to "Hell In An X-Wing Fighter" and I decided that it was time for me to just wash my hands of the world.  I didn't mean it.

I do remember having a brief conversation with myself.

"That's it!  We'll never learn.  It won't matter anyway.  The world will just buck us off the sadle when it feels like it.  The universe will unfold as it should and if that means we're not part of that then so be it."

That night, the universe fought back and kicked me in the ass.  It was one of those nights where you catch yourself reading or watching something that you wouldn't normally do.  You may even pause to ask yourself why you're doing it.  This particular evening, I found myself watching The Hour and who should appear but David Suzuki.

The interview was typical of that show.  There was gentle conversation about what Mr. Suzuki was doing and, of course, there was talk about the environment.  I was feeling quite self justified that Suzuki was telling stories about how he had been drinking out of a plastic cup and some onlooker said that he shouldn't be considering who he was and what he stood for. 

Ha!  I thought.  You jerk!  You drink from bottled water too!  You dime store hood!  It was then that a question was asked about what people should do if they are feeling tremendous apathy about the universe and the world.  I was expecting some kind of: "Come join us.  You can help heal the world."

Nope.

Suzuki became very serious and said: "Go be that way.  Do what you need to do but get the hell out of my way.  I am not perfect but I am doing my part.  If you don't want to help, then stand aside and let me by."

Thank the world for David Suzuki.  If it were not for him, I would proably be still feeling the way I did all those months ago.  Have a great Earth Day and, Mr. Suzuki, I am sorry.  I am doing my part too.

My site has become very, very, Firefly-centric of late and I have been trying to stop blogging about anything Firefly related. But I can't ignore this.

About ten minutes ago, I posted to my blog.

About seven minutes ago, I did a few last minute edits.

About three minutes ago, I realized I had edited out an entire thread of that post - and left a mention of it in the title.

Right now, I am adding that text back in an expanding on it because I am obviously brain dead.

This past weekend, as a part of my "smelling the flowers" movement, I went out to a movie with Jonathon Narvey. Now, if you don't know Jonathon, let me point some things out about him. He is a nerd. Not just any nerd. This guy is hard core nerd. We have a nerd bond. He and I nerd out. This bond is strong. Nerd power! (I am just waiting for his rebuttle! Hee hee.)

The film we checked out is called Fanboys. It is a film about a bunch of Star Wars fanatics who try to steal a pre-release print of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace before it hits theatres. Pretty cool, huh?

What is interesting (and scary) about this film is that it is an accurate depiction of me, my friends, and everyone I knew back in 1999.

(cue dramatic music)

Some will say that there are times in a person's life when they know their exact location when some kind of life changing event occurs. My parents know where they were when Kennedy was shot and I knew where I was on May 19th, 1999 at 11:59pm. I was in a theatre line up in Langford waiting to be let in for the next Star Wars movie.

(cut dramatic music, a few broken notes)

Hmm. Having just written that out, it isn't so exciting. I mean, look at what Phantom Menace became. Mee-sa-saying itsa maybee not-a that-see citing, Shane.

Well, in either case, go see the movie. It had a long hard road to getting into theatres and deserves some support. And I give it a thumbs up.

When you are part owner in a small start up company, it can be very hard to make time for yourself. You work a whole lot in an attempt to make sure that you are on top of practically everything. Whether or not that is a smart thing, as a business owner, you can't help but want to make sure everything is looked at once - at least. The drawback to this is you find it hard to make time your life and, rarely, do you get to "smell the flowers".

I suppose this is why I haven't been blogging here like I wish I did. I have a rich life and a great number of opinions. You'd think I would be lathering up and chattering about something every single day. (An aside: I also hate writing these kinds of posts where I try to explain why I am not here as much as I would like - but what can you do. It seems to be a blogger trait. We love to think that we have a readership that cares - but, apparently, I am an ass.)

So, what is with my melancholy? When I woke up on Saturday morning, I did something very out of character. I hit the snooze button. A few minutes later (about 9 minutes, isn't it?) I reached over and hit it again. The third interruption found me turning it off. The next thing I knew, it was 11:30am on a Saturday morning and I hadn't even taken the dogs out for a walk yet. They didn't seem to mind, though, as they were cuddled together between us and happily snoring away. This, my friends, is highly unusual for me and I have a little nagging guilt about it. I don't remember the last time I slept in past 7am. I had a birthday marathon that kept me up until 2am a couple of weeks ago and I was up before 8am the next day. How crazy is that? My last visit to my parents home was the same way. Normally, I sleep like a baby and take as much time as I want. But, dammit, if I wasn't up at 7am every single day.

I don't want anyone who reads this to think that I am complaining. I am not. I am rewarded for the hard work I put in and if sleep is getting a back seat, then who am I to argue. I get to meet new people all the time. I am able to work on interesting projects. It is just that, some days, you wish you could fit everything into your life and, somehow, I am either blaming a lack of sleep or my ability to squeeze more things into my day by not sleeping. What I think I am really writing about here is a post about my recognition that I can't fit everything in and to force myself to remember that I do get a lot of joy from what I am managing to do.

I think I will end this one off by saying with something a famous engineer once said: "When it's important, you make the time." Damn you, Mr. Scott. Damn you!