I Made 3-D Glasses Just To Watch Zachary Levi
Man, this whole cleaning and sorting business post tearing-the-crap-out-of-your-entire-home is liberating. I keep finding bits and bobs I had made mental notes to write about but never got around to it -- or my mental notes were erased after being overwritten by some useless nerd triva.
Nerd trivia is not useless!
The things I am wanting to write about now are the 3-D glasses I made for Zachary Levi. The story isn't as creepy as it sounds. You see... we were catching up on a show we like called Chuck. The show was cute and quirky and was just a fun program to watch with friends. One night, we were happily watching a couple of episodes back to back when... tragedy struck. We encountered an episode where the broadcast looked all gibbley. The colour was off... the picture was fuzzy.
At first, I thought our television has just given up the ghost. A few minutes later (and a quick trip to Wikipedia) we discovered that the episode had been originally broadcast in 3-D. But we had a problem (as I am sure you've guessed) we didn't have any 3-D glasses. We read that the original airing had been shown right after the Super Bowl and there was some contest attached where you could have sent away for 3-D glasses after having made a purchase of six hundred bottles of Zima (or something like that). After some humming and hawing, we thought we could stomach the episode just as it was. Less than ninety sectonds, it became clear that our Chuck enjoyment was plummeting. Damn you, Super Bowl Chuck Episode!
I was determined to not let this stop us in our tracks. Off to the Internet I went. I wanted to know how to make 3-D glasses, dammit, and I wanted to know now! Like Chuck and Morgan, I am a nerd. Us nerds must stick together and not let issues such as lacking in 3-D glasses get in our way! A solution must be found! No matter how crazy insane or batshit stupid they are! There are NO dumb solutions! NERDS UNITE!
I quickly learned from my Interwebs search that Sharpie pens on clear plastic more-or-less are the same colours used to create the 3-D effect. Off to the local hardware store I went. I will note that, at the time, it was already 9:40pm. There is something oddly satisfying about walking around a hardware store asking:
"Excuse me, do you have Sharpie pens? Do you have them in blue and red? Do you have them in a darker shade?"
"Yah, it is for this show called Chuck. They made an episode in 3-D and I want to make 3-D glasses."
"Why are you laughing at me?"
"I will remember that one the next time I crawl off your mom."
"You're calling who? The police?"
I collected my pens and headed home. The hard part was about to begin. What do I use for the lenses? The Internet recommended flat, clear plastic. Something clear enough to allow light to flow through the coloured lenses but rigid enough to not distort the image. Preferably, there should be no scratches. It was at that moment when a villain in my life became useful. The villain I speak of is that damn, invented by some bastard after he lost his house in a divorce, hard plastic used for packaging. I hate that packaging more than life itself. You know them, I am sure. It normally requires a small army, a guided missle attack, and nude photos of Ed Asner to open them. I have cut my hands on so these evil inventions more times than I can count. But, in this one instance, they became my answer. My answer to watching a 3-D episode of Chuck.
I cut out two bits of plastic, roughly the size of average glasses and used clear tape to attach them to popsicle sticks we have in our art cabinet. A few minutes and several cuts from the packaging later, I had constructed the glasses. I had only one more step. I coloured up the glasses with the appropriate colours and -- bam -- I was watching Chuck in 3-D. I can't believe how well it worked too. I had a suspicious feeling that it would be a failed effort but I was wrong. It worked like a charm.
(Oh, popsicles would hit the spot right about now.)
So, for you Zach, I made these glasses. Crazy, yes -- but bizarrely worth it.