I found my grandfather's obituary and thought I would share it with you.

SLEGG, Eric Robert
Born on May 13, 1920.

Eric Slegg passed away peacefully at home on December 3, 2011 at the age of 91. Eric grew up in Perth, Ontario with his two brothers and two sisters and in 1939 he joined the Royal Canadian Navy and served throughout the war in the North Atlantic.

While Eric was stationed briefly in Victoria, BC he met the love of his life, Ruby Webster and they married in 1942. After the war the couple moved to Sidney, BC where Eric started a small hardware store and in 1947 he founded Slegg Lumber.

Eric worked extremely hard throughout his lengthy career and as a planner and visionary, was instrumental in the growth of the family business. His passion for business was matched equally by his kindness and generosity which he demonstrated beautifully through his philanthropy and the loving care he provided for Ruby by whom he is predeceased.

Eric touched the lives of many throughout the years and everyone who knew him was taken by his irresistible wit and charm. He will be greatly missed by his family, friends and former employees. Often acclaimed as a man ahead of his time, Eric was a guiding light and mentor to us all.

A memorial service in celebration of Eric's life will be held at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2011 at Holy Trinity Church, Mills Rd and West Saanich Rd in North Saanich.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the BC Cancer Agency.

Today, I am following in the footsteps of a good friend of mine. He wrote this morning that he has never felt more Christmas-y.

I have been in the dumps this year as has the majority of my family. If you've been following my blog, you'll know why. Last week, we lost my grandfather and it has been hard. Yet, for me, it has been more than just his passing.

Essentially, my entire family watched a family member die. You can't put it any other way. Collectively, we all watched him go from a reasonably healthy man (he was over 90, so, there are health issues regardless) to someone who wasn't awake for most of the day.

It wasn't just that we watched a loved one fail and pass on, it was harder to witness what it did to my family. There was hope, discussion, reasoning, bargaining, and everything that accompanies a visit from Death. It was like Death waltzed into our lives, chose the comfy chair in the living room corner, cracked the daily newspaper and waited. Naturally, he listened to the discussions around him but all he could do was wait and smile. For me, that was the hardest part.

So, the inevitable happened and now thoughts have turned to the holidays. I guess my brain has found some comfort and relief in the knowledge that my grandfather is no longer suffering. Once my synapses figured that out, they probably thought: "Jesus. When did all these sparkly lights show up?" Honestly, it has been a blur. I was visiting him in the hospital just yesterday. Or was that in May or June? Brains are stupid sometimes.

My point is, I have had no interest in the holidays. I haven't wanted to acknowledge them at all. Didn't the month of August just finish? It seems that time has sped up in my mind some how. I don't know why. The world hasn't changed the axis tilt that much and Superman hasn't tried to do anything lately, has he?

In any case, part of what I have been feeling is how powerless I really am in the universe. I also feel a little silly. I wish I could solve all of the problems currently going on in the world and somehow protect my family from it all. I know I can't but I still want that for my family. It has been hard and I want things to be "okay" but I know that they can't. I also live a distance from my immediate family and it is hard not being able to just pop over when they need me. My sister is there and she is a strong soul and is able to do and support everyone a lot but I can't help but feel that I haven't pulled my weight. But you can't do everything. It just isn't reasonable to expect that of one's self.

I hope that next year I am going to explode on Christmas morning and feel like it is the greatest day in the year. I used to do that. I remember that even when I was in university I found it hard to sleep on Christmas Eve. I wonder if I can recapture that feeling this year. I know I will try. If not for me, I will try and recapture it for my family because, with everything that has happened, it is all I can really do.

So, I haven't felt all that Christmas-y and I was glad that someone is. I may try to steal a little bit of that feeling and hoard it for myself.

NOTE: I started to write this blog post a couple of days ago. Sadly, I have had no Internet at home for a few weeks because we're switching providers and I wasn't able to get it done nor posted this past Friday. Pretend you read this two days ago. No, really. It will all make sense.

My grandfather died today.

I went to see The Muppets because it seemed like something that would make me smile. I hope that you all can hug someone you love. They could be gone tomorrow, an hour from now, or in a few minutes from this moment.

I am sad for my family.

I am sad for my mommy.

I am sad for my sister for this was the second year in a row someone important passed on her birthday.

I am sad about the whole thing.

But life goes on. I wish there was something more profound I could add but, unlike my friend Rosie, I can't use my words that well today.

I will leave you with this:

Pippin: "I didn't think it would end this way..."

Gandalf: "End?  No, the journey doesn't end here.  Death is just another path...One that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass... and then you see it."

Pippin: "What? Gandalf? See what?"

Gandalf: "White shores...and beyond... the far green country under a swift sunrise."

Pippin: "Well, that isn't so bad."

Gandalf: "No...No it isn't

Wow. 

August, huh?

Has it been that long?

I suppose you could call me lazy but I do have an excuse. I haven't felt, well, chatty. There have been a tonne of things going on in the background of my world that have distracted me terribly. Sadly, I can't get into them right now as things are playing out (where is Spock when I need him) and I would rather remain somewhat mute on the topic of family. I will say this: I am embarassed by it all and quite shocked. Enough said for now.

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter, I suppose. It doesn't change the fact that my writer's block is going strong and, frankly, pissing me off. I wish there was something I could do that would make it all better. I was talking about it the other day with some friends and someone pointed out that they sensed I as in a state of mourning. 

"Mourning?" I said.

"Yah, things are going sideways in your family life and it isn't playing out quite how you anticipated." They said.

I guess they are right. That stuff I can't really go into the details of is distracting me. I am getting through the days and having some moments or clarity but - dammit - I can't seem to get it into gear. Writing this post is helping but why can't I get it all over and done with and get on with my personal life. My work life is fine and I am getting through the work and making stuff rock and roll but, jeeze, I get home and I just don't want to deal with the rest of it.

Anyway.

I am going to leave it at that and try and write something tomorrow. There are many things that have passed me by that I would have talked about and writting my own two cents on but - again with the damn distractions and lack of mental energy. I hate Western life. It would have been so much easier to have just lived on a farm in the middle of Australia. Or so Baz would have me believe.

Until tomorrow...

I received a comment yesterday that reminded me of an old ritual that I had forgotten about: Christmas Lights!

For the longest time, we had a family ritual around viewing Christmas lights. We would all jump into the car and drive around Victoria, looking at people's Christmas lights. I loved it. I don't remember the last time I did go on a lights night. There must be organized routes in town here. I know there is in Victoria every single year. Perhaps I will head out some time and investigate the lights situation this year.

One thing about viewing the lights is being able to check out places in your town you never knew existed. It is like expanding your brain a little bit while looking at creativity on people's lawns. I kind of miss putting up lights. My dad was a fiend and obsessed with making sure the family homestead was decorated. His knees can't handle it any more and I do feel guilty for not being able to help out. Maybe I will put some up this year if we can squeeze it in.

I am glad I remember that ritual now because it was long, long, forgotten. Thanks, Cheryl!

Gift giving. I love it or hate it, you have to do it some time. I love to give people stuff. I don't know why. It is just something I like to do. I don't give stuff to everyone I run across, just to those people I care about. But, as with every year, you have to keep yourself in check. You need to make sure to give gifts to those people closest to you while you shun those you despise. Well, not really. You just need to make sure you don't give so much that you decide to become a monk and live the rest of your life in solitude in some mountain range in Asia. Actually, that sounds kind of cool. Taking an oath of silence and living day to day.

In a mud cave.

With nothing.

Little food.

Barely any water.

Wild animals waiting for you to collapse.

Cold.

No pug cuddles.

Maybe, that isn't such a cool idea for those of us who haven't, you know, lived in damp caves. You can't feel good about giving gifts to your friends and family if all you give them is a rock with a scratched smiley face you made with charcoal you found from a previous fire because you can't light your own because it is so incredibly cold and wet that you just want to roll over in the muck you've created and die letting the wild boars who have been watching you for weeks and are to patient enough to wait for another several weeks just so they can eat you, can you? Okay, brain, back to gift giving.

It is like a game with human psyches at stake. You need to make those people closest to you are happy while still maintaining a no-man's-land balance with those people on who aren't your immediate family. You also need to take into account all of those people far away. Do you send them a present? Do you wait until you see them again? What about those people who want to give a meaningful gift to but you don't because you think they might think it is weird? Not to mention the people who don't give gifts at all either out of the fear of obligation or they just aren't very good at it. How can you not be good at giving gifts? I always get a kick of joy when I see someone get something I know they really want. I even get a boost if I give someone a gift but that it is so unexpected they just light up! It makes me want to give presents to people all year round.

Family tends to be easy. They always tell you or drop enough hints at what they would like to receive. My family is normally plain as day. We suffer from that typical thing that families do:

"Oh, you don't need to get me anything."

This is normal but there is a trap here that I sure many of you have run into.  They tell you that they don't need anything but then ask:

"But what would you like for Christmas?"

Oh, that drives me crazy! Don't tell me that you don't need anything and then ask me right away what I want. Bah! Humbug to that! I am never sure what to do with those individuals except send them to a damp cave somewhere and make them want something like a hot bath and , maybe, a towel. Or soap.

I am sure I am guilty of doing the same thing. What I really think is going here is you've asked them at the wrong time. If they are busy talking about politics or eating breakfast, they don't want to have to think about receiving gifts. Receiving gifts is hard work. Giving them is easy. Isn't that whacked? You'd think it would be easier the other way around - unless you are a heartless individual worthy of being drowned in your own pudding. (I have always wondered what kind of pudding would be best for drowning the average human being. Weird, huh?)

Close family being relatively easy, what about those groups of people who are your friends. When it comes to the holidays, they are always deserving but, depending on their experiences with gift giving growing up, they may or may not have learned to give presents to friends. I don't know what else to say about this except that I give gifts to my friends when I can and I don't expect them to give me one back. I think a pint at the pub is enough. Yet, I have learned one thing, it is never enough to just go to the pub. Which leads me into the next paragraph.

And then there are the crowds of people who fear obligation. If they get a give from you then they feel they must give one back. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Just because I give you something, doesn't automatically force you into some sort of subordinate role where you must give me something in return. How twisted is this, anyway? This is what the commercialism of a religious holiday has done. It has made people resort to buying stuff to make them feel good even if they don't know that other person well or don't tend to give gifts. A brief word about people who never give gifts - I blow you a raspberry. Bttpptttpfff. (Is that how you write a raspberry sound?)  Don't fear the obligation. Don't feel you should. But don't not give someone in your family something. You don't need to give anyone else anything. I will make it easy for you: give them towels or VCRs. VCRs are like three dollars these days. Trust me, they will love it!

What about if you give someone the wrong gift? That is the worst feeling ever. You think you're scoring some big points with a gift you thought they would like only to find out they thought it was lame. To those who think such things, you can go jump into a large body of water filled with sharks with frickin lazers on their heads. You're lucky you got anything at all! Now, where is a vat of pudding when you need one.

This makes me think about re-gifting. You've all been there. You get something that you either already have or it is something you really didn't need. You decide to re-gift it. This brings up a million other issues. Who do you give it to and if you give it to that certain person is there a chance the person that gave it to you will see it? I suppose it doesn't really matter since they gave it to you originally and you are then free to do whatever you want with said gift. But we all know that if you re-gift something and the original giver of the gift finds out, they will make you pay emotionally. Unless they give you a re-gift. Hmm, makes you think, doesn't it?

I haven't mentioned anything about people giving me gifts. That is a whole other blog post entirely that I will get to in the coming days. I love getting gifts but I hate the feeling that they were obligated to give me something. I don't want to get something because they thought they had to. I would like to get a gift if they felt they wanted to give me one. Doesn't matter what it was. Give me a cookie and we're even. So, I will give this little tidbit some thought and post about it some time in the next few days.

This past year has been great.  The year of 2009 was filled with ups and downs and all kinds of twists and turns.  But now, we are down to it.  The final hours are ticking away and, when we all wake up tomorrow morning, it will be 2010.  Are you excited? 

For us Vancouverites, it will be a bittersweet opening few months with the stress and jubulation that surrounds any city hosting the Olympics.  We love it and hate it all at the same time.  It is like the holidays.  When you first start shopping, all you can think of is the smiling faces of your family and friends.  The perfect gift will be opened and, without warning, their face will light up with joy.  They will (practically in slow motion) wrap their arms around you and plop a loving kiss on your cheek and whisper loving things in your ear.  Of course, reality will strike with a lightning bolt borrowed from Zeus. Imagine, for a moment, sitting down at your kitchen table, a fresh coffee steaming in the light of a January morning, and you open yor credit card bill.  All of the loving thoughts you've been harbouring for months will disappear into the morning air and you will wonder how in the Hell did you manage to spend so much money! 

That is what New Years Eve and Day are all about.  Two final days that we can use to live out a few additional fantasies.  We allow ourselves to forget that, within a few days time, we will be back to whatever activities dominate our "normal" lives.  We will be enjoying the sound of the office again or the classrooms of some foreign university or finding the perfect pitch in a remote recording studio.  Let's make this last bit of our 2009 something to remember.  What are your plans for this eve of the New Year?  I remember the last few have been quite tame in their execution.  Last year was hanging out and drinking heavily at a friend's place.  The transfer into 2008 was something I don't remember.  It must have been uber-tame. 

For 2009, this year is strange since we decided to fly on the cheapest days of the holiday season: Christmas Day and New Years Eve.  Christmas Day wasn't too bad since we arrived earlier in the evening and with plenty of time for gift openings on both ends but this New Years is going to be a little problematic.  We arrive after seven in the evening and, with the weather being what it is in the mountains and in Saskatchewan, we will most likely end up being late.  I hope not.  I believe my family isn't picking us up.  They are heading to their New Years events and dropping our car at the airport before we arrive.

And, yes, I think we all need to get together and view the movies 2001 and 2010 to see how much those fictional worlds are like our reality.  Didn't someone have a dolphin for a pet?  Where is my dolphin?  Happy New Year, everyone!